I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
