Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
