I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
