I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
How naked do you want me to be?
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