quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
