Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We are all done wearing pants today
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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