Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
