i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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