this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize