he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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