Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
