Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
