There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
