I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My breasts were aching with rage.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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