shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
