it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
