There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
