I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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