he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
