My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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