And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
