i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
