This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
