But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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