you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
