Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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