You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
