I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
