gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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