just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
