and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize