If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Duck Duck Cougar?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
