my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
