does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
