I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
