I can tuck mytits in my pants
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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