i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
