there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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