Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
