dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
