he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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