dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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