my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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