i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
