so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
