The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
