the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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