i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
