If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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