I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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