I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
