I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
