sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
