Who wears a wallet chain?!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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