Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
