I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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