My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
