Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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