farters have to be the big spoon...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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