Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
