I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
