How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
