omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
