i would punch a child for taco bell
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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