You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
