Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize