I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
