Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
