forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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