I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Can I color on your dick again?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
